Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes: A No-Bullshit Guide to World Mythology By Cory O'Brien

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Books,History,World Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes: A No-Bullshit Guide to World Mythology Cory O'Brien

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Get this:Cronus liked to eat babies.Narcissus probably should have just learned to masturbate.Odin got construction discounts with bestiality.Isis had bad taste in jewelry.Ganesh was the very definition of an unplanned pregnancy.And Abraham was totally cool about stabbing his kid in the face.All our lives, we’ve been fed watered-down, PC versions of the classic myths. In reality, mythology is more screwed up than a schizophrenic shaman doing hits of unidentified…wait, it all makes sense now. In Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes, Cory O’Brien, creator of Myths RETOLD!, sets the stories straight. These are rude, crude, totally sacred texts told the way they were meant to be told: loudly, and with lots of four-letter words.Skeptical? Here are a few more gems to consider:• Zeus once stuffed an unborn fetus inside his thigh to save its life after he exploded its mother by being too good in bed.• The entire Egyptian universe was saved because Sekhmet just got too hammered to keep murdering everyone.• The Hindu universe is run by a married couple who only stop murdering in order to throw sweet dance parties…on the corpses of their enemies.• The Norse goddess Freyja once consented to a four-dwarf gangbang in exchange for one shiny necklace.And there’s more dysfunctional goodness where that came from.

At this time of writing, The Mobi Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes: A No-Bullshit Guide to World Mythology has garnered 8 customer reviews with rating of 5 out of 5 stars. Not a bad score at all as if you round it off, it’s actually a perfect TEN already. From the looks of that rating, we can say the Mobi is Good TO READ!

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_Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes_ by Cory O’Brien is book of modernized versions of more than 50 myths and legends from around the world.Normally I try to avoid profanity in my book reviews, but when the subtitle of the book is “a no-******* guide to world mythology”, it’s a battle already lost. I'll put in asterisks instead.I really like this book: I opened it to refresh myself on it prior to writing this review and enjoyed it so much I re-read the entire thing. But it is absolutely not a reference book; there is no index and no bibliography and no list of books for suggested further reading._Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes_ is a book that is very honest about human nature. First off, there are the myths and legends themselves. Most myths and legends involve a lot of sex and death and violence and greed and pride and jealousy.Many of the translations we’ll typically read during our school years gloss over a lot of that, but many of the original stories went into a lot more detail. For example, in the Egyptian section O’Brien has a story about Horus depositing some bodily fluids in Set's salad, and that is a pretty decent summary of one version of one of the Egyptian myths — Horus put his seed in Set’s food and when they went before the rest of the gods, Horus was able to call out for his seed and it replied from Set’s stomach, thereby showing that Horus is more powerful than Set. If you read through that last sentence and by the end of it are thinking “Wait, what just happened there? This was an actual myth they wrote down and retold???”, that seems to be where O’Brien started writing this book.O’Brien is honest that he has inserted some non-canonical details in many of the myths, such as the disco ball used in “The Moon Is Made of Meat” which retells the Native American story of how the moon is a rabbit. However, storytellers of the past often changed around their stories too, which is why many myths exist in multiple versions. The formal tone and proper English used in many books of myths and legends is likely not as formal and proper as the myths were originally told or as the audiences originally understood them. O’Brien has put them back in more colloquial language with slang terms of the modern time (God help the scholar who runs into this book a couple hundred years from now and starts trying to figure out what is meant when O’Brien says Sekhmet was the original Thundercat, or the Norse gods are totally metal).For all that, O’Brien’s interpretations seem to be broadly faithful to other versions of the same myths I’ve read in more formal and proper settings. The same participants get in bad together, doublecross the same people, an equal number of participants get killed or are sentenced to eternities in torment or whatever, and the same strange leaps of logic lead to many of the same consequences for all involved. Yes, Thor really did dress as a woman one time to get his hammer Mjolnir back from a giant who had stolen it and was going to keep it unless he got to marry Freyja.So, it’s a very humorous book. The line lengths are uneven and sometimes words or phrases will be written in ALL CAPS, and while it looks disjointed it worked fairly well as I was reading it and added a subtle cadence to the stories.O’Brien also sometimes summarizes the myths, and sometimes points out some very painful and human truths. For instance, here are the end few lines from “Hephaestus Gets ****** Around a Lot” from the Greek section, where Hephaestus has caught his wife Aphrodite having an affair with Ares and Hephaestus invites all the other Greek gods and goddesses to watch and catch Aphrodite and Ares in the act:“and Poseidon pokes Zeus and says ‘Would you tap that?’and Zeus says ‘Probably I already have.’(I am not making that up.That **** is in _The Odyssey_)But really the joke is still on Hephaestusbecause his wife is boning another man right in front of himand even the best blacksmith cannot repair a broken relationship.”But most of the book is like these lines mid-way through “Gilgamesh and Enkidu: Ultimate Bromance” in the Sumerian section:“and Enkidu shows up like ‘Dudewhat the **** are you doing?WANNA BEAT THE **** OUT OF EACH OTHER INSTEAD?’And Gilgamesh is like ‘YESSSS.’so they punch at each otheruntil they get tired of gargling their own teethand then decide to be BFFs.I am not a scientist but this may be why women live longer than men.”So, loved the book, but no index or bibliography or suggested reading in a nonfiction book, so I’m still going to give it four stars. And then probably look to see if O’Brien has written anything else, because if he has I might buy it.Also, Sarah Melville’s illustrations are awesome. They look like traditional artwork that a high school boy idly doodled on and represent the contents of the book very well.

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